How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
