I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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