I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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