I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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