So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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