I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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