Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I love you.
Bad choice
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
