I just cut my nipple shaving
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's official drugs can't kill me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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