dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
God, I missed his penis.
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