why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
