Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
