I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
