that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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