Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
