I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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