He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
