I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
