Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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