I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
