i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
