It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
