This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Randomize
