you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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