oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize