I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
