you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
MIDGETS
????
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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