scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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