I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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