Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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