You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
