I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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