A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
