I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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