I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
