well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
