THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
