I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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