bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
