I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
