Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
