So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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