and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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