somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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