If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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