Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
