I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
