PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
