she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
