i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
