i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
