Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
