I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
