just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
