explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
