I wannas sexs uuuuu
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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