i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
