Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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