he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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