Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
