no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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