I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think my moral compass just broke
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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