I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
